Achieving what I call minimalism of the mind wasn’t exactly straightforward. But worthwhile ‘things’ rarely are. It’s all about the journey, right? Here’s mine.
A brief introduction to meditation
I remember back when Borders was still around, those were good days. I used to go there to ‘study’, but I always paid more attention to my coffee, my snack, and the books and magazines I looked over. It felt cozy, and I did do ‘some’ studying there. I have my degree, kids, so there.
Anyway, I bought a book back then called ‘The joy of living’. This was years ago, and I had thoughts about where my life was headed even before I bought the book. I did enjoy it, and I remember it spoke both about meditation, and also about the scientific studies being done at the time about its effects on people. Which are apparently quite positive. I also remember how one of the meditation techniques was to look at your thoughts as though you were watching them on a screen. To let them come and go, without trying to hold on them, especially the ones that struck a cord. I loved the comparison, but whenever I tried to implement the techniques…well let’s just say I get very easily distracted. I stopped trying, not long after that.
First a trigger, then minimalism of the mind
Fast-forward to 2019. It was maybe August, on a weekday, and I couldn’t sleep. And I love sleep! I studied Architecture for two years, and I was traumatized for life because of sleep deprivation. Ever since, and it’s been over 10 years, I make sure to sleep around 8hrs. If I don’t accomplish that, I get really cranky, even if I feel fine. And it wasn’t just that I wasn’t sleepy, I was really anxious, I was having a hard time breathing.
Now, I had been dreading going to my job for a couple of years, but it was usually on Sundays. But this happened on a Wednesday. I did what I usually do when I want to know more, I searched for a book. And I found one! I read some of the reviews, and it described what I had been doing. I was trying to ‘think’ myself out of how I felt and it was just making things worse. And, it was written by real doctors with degrees relevant to this field, which is important. So I paid, downloaded my eBook, and started reading. And wow, it all made so much sense. The book started by describing what a person who’s experienced depression will feel, debilitating anxiety, personal dissatisfaction, despair, and a longing for something better. Now, even though I didn’t think I was depressed, the reviews mentioned that the techniques taught in the book would help anyone familiar with the downward spiral of negative thinking and self-doubt. I’ve been guilty of that many times, so I gave it a shot.
The mindful way
The book is divided into the following –
- An explanation of why this happens, and what awareness is
- How to cultivate mindfulness, reach awareness, and sidestep runaway negative thoughts
- How to be ok with what you feel (good, bad, and in between) and seeing thoughts as creations of the mind
- How to bring it all together, weaving mindfulness into your life
The Doing Mind
When we’re feeling down, we compare how we feel to how we’d like to feel. Then, our mind tries to understand the gaps, and come up with ways to ‘fix’ the issue. When we aren’t able to fix anything by this process, we often end up feeling worse. One negative thought about an issue at work, for example, can turn into “why can’t I fix this?”, “why am I so weak?”, “I have everything I need, so why do I feel like crap in the first place?”, etc.
Apparently, our brains can forge a connection between sad moods and negative thoughts. A ‘normal’ sad moment can re-awaken major negative thoughts. For people who have been depressed at some point, feeling down in the present can result in going down a rabbit hole of past negative thoughts. The book describes our rational attempt to fill in those gaps and feel better the ‘doing mode’ of the mind. It also mentions that Psychologists also refer to brooding as rumination. Reading this, I realized I’ve been a serial ‘ruminator’ throughout my life. I read on to find out how to deal with it.
“Rumination invariably backfires. It merely compounds our misery. It’s a heroic attempt to solve a problem that it is just not capable of solving. Another mode of mind altogether is required when it comes to dealing with unhappiness.”
The Being Mind
This other mode of mind is described as the ‘being mode’ of the mind. It doesn’t work by critical thinking, it works through awareness. It’s described as the antidote to the problems that the ‘doing mode’ of the mind creates. And this time, thoughts are described as mental events that come and go in the mind like clouds across the sky. (Remember the other book I spoke of?) If we see them as such, then any thought can be perceived as an idea, rather than truth. ‘Being mode’ can serve as a type of anchor to the present, using your senses, emotions, and mind. Once you’re present, you can recognize negative thoughts as they arise. Being aware of them allows us to avoid associating them with past events that might lead to a downward spiral of even more negative thoughts.
“Mindfulness is intentional, it is experiential (focusing on present-moment experience), and non-judgmental”
So, basically, you make yourself intentionally aware of the present moment. What you’re doing, what you’re feeling, even if it’s fear, sadness, or anger. (No-one gets worried about happy thoughts, c’mon now). And then, you leave judgment at the door. So a negative thought about work, or about a relationship is just that. It doesn’t become a negative thought about work + “I’m stupid” + “I’ll never make it” + “Others do just fine, so I’m a failure”, etc.
For those of us who daydream quite a bit, it can also be a problem. Daydreaming can easily lead to rumination, especially for people whose thoughts often take a negative turn.
The book goes on to describe several methods by which you can start to implement mindfulness in simple ways. Something important, especially for me, is that it’s OK for your mind to drift. If your mind drifts (this is normally what it does), and you become aware of it, this is a good thing. You drifted, became aware of it, and now you go back to what you were trying to be mindful of. And you do that in a kind, compassionate way towards yourself. You don’t get mad or frustrated, mainly because it’s normal, because you practiced awareness by realizing it. But also because trying to force the mind to focus on something doesn’t really work.
The Body Scan
The first method described in the book is ‘the body scan’. Here’s a summary of it –
- Lie on your back, making sure you’re comfortable, and that you won’t be disturbed.
- Close your eyes.
- Take a minute to be aware of your breath and the sensations in your body.
- When you’re ready, bring ‘awareness’ to the sensations in your body, especially the areas where you feel pressure, because they’re in contact with the mat or the bed.
- With each ‘out’ breath, allow yourself to sink deeper into the mat or bed.
- Remind yourself that your intention is to be aware of your experience, not to fall asleep!
- Also remind yourself that the idea is to be aware of your experience however it unfolds. It isn’t to change the way you feel, or to be more calm or relaxed.
- The idea is to bring awareness to what you are able to sense (or aren’t able to sense) as you focus systematically on each part of the body, in turn.
- Now, bring your awareness to the sensations in your abdomen/gut/belly. Become aware of the changing patterns of sensations there as your breath moves into the body, and as it moves out of the body.
- Take a moment to feel the sensations associated with that.
- After connecting with that, area, use the breath to shift your focus towards your left foot, down to the toes. Focus on each toe, bringing attention to the sensations in each one. Maybe they tingle, or feel warm, or maybe you feel nothing. It’s fine, either way.
- After taking a moment to feel that, when breathing in, imagine your breath passing through your lungs, abdomen, and then down to your left foot & toes. And on the out breath, imagine it going back out, from your toes, abdomen, lungs, and out through your nose. Do this for a few breaths.
- Then, you would do the same thing you did with you left foot, but with another part of your body. Maybe the bottom of your left foot, the ankle, or the calf. You can bring awareness to different areas, in turn, and move up to your abdomen, then down your right leg, then up again to your chest, arms, hands, and your head.
- As you ‘scan’ your body, if you become aware of tension in an area, use your in-breath to bring awareness to that area, and try to have a sense of what happens in that region, and then let go with the out-breath.
- Your mind will drift from the breath, and that’s ok. Come back to it once you become aware of the drift. Again, it’s normal.
- Once your done with the scan, take a minute to bring awareness, but this time to your body as a whole.
- If you’re prone to falling asleep, like me, use a pillow, keep your eyes open, or do the scan sitting instead.
A way of life
Of course, this takes practice, but it works. And the book describes other practices, techniques, and even plans to incorporate mindfulness little by little. It can be anything though, paying attention to the dishes when you’re doing them, feeling the ground beneath your feet when you walk, listening to everyday sounds. Being aware means you’re less likely to be on autopilot. It gives you the chance to respond instead of reacting, in any kind of situation. To me, the most valuable part is to recognize thoughts for what they are, and to not have them wreak havoc on an otherwise normal situation.
For those who’d like to read it, it’s called ‘The Mindful Way Through Depression’ by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn.
More of the life archives here 🙂
